Muddled in a pool of tears, all “ALONE”, yet again, do I dream about the not so distant past where I had blood in my veins, rather than this somber loneliness, where my words were dark yet livid, where vocab was a medium to bleed, but also to make people’s days, where birthdays truly meant something, where surprises were not so rare, where the hugs could soak out any pressure you can feel, or a day’s outing was enough to book a flight to the wonderland, where a simple garden and 20 bucks could make you feast. Now that I have it all, I live a life alone, a life unbeknown. Where feasts aren’t uncommon, but yet dead, where smiles aren’t few, but emotionless. Camouflaging emotions is always something I’ve been brilliant at, but I wish, a simple plain wish, to have those few extra moments with you, just to laugh out aloud one last time, where atleast for a second I could let go of this loneliness and feel it all again, feel myself breaking down in a land known, just hug you and be there always. I just wish this dream or a nightmare or whatever it is, just ends and all I have is you people. I didn’t ever have the guts to type this, just the same way I never had the guts to show what you people meant to me or express what you guys meant to me or how it all felt loosing each of you bit by bit, partially due to my inability to keep hold of the people I loved the most and partially due to the other faults of mine, but right now glued to this screen, intoxicated, I surely, though mindlessly am writing, writing just in a distant hope, reliving the past, reliving the bucketful of toxic memories. It definitely is a dangerous thing – MIRTH, it makes you bleed your emotions, more so, when you are alone. I don’t even know, if I’ll have the guts to share this with you, but definitely, if you’re here – you definitely mean the world to me.
Just a wish, I hope I could bleed words more profuse to get you guys back.